Wednesday, January 11, 2012
You gotta dig for that gold!
Writing my three paragraphs of crap so I can get on with this writing day...
In case you don't know what that means, many writers, including the incomparable Ann Lamont, suggest that facing a blank page is worse than anything else as a writer. Even crap slung down in any old fashion is better than the blank page, which is so formidable at times as to bring many steely writers to tears of frustration. Ms Lamont claims the first three paragraphs...sometimes even the first three PAGES...a writer conjures every day are complete crap. At least at first glance. But, and here is the irony, a writer can't find the golden words, the secret stuff hidden deep in our talented souls...ha, that was rich!...unless we move all the crap words out of the way first. The gold must be unearthed. I know...the analogy doesn't fit because gold is mined, but this is supposed to be crap writing, remember? I can have the gold come from anywhere I please as long as I don't stop writing about it.
So I write my three crap paragraphs and my mind can finally be freed from all its inner turmoil and junk...did I really keep my Christmas tree up until the 10th of January AGAIN?? I must be stuck in some sort of traditional time warp gone bad...reminds me of Brother Where Art Thou..."Well, isn't this place a geographical oddity...two weeks from everywhere!" That's tree's gotta come down earlier next year..
See what I mean? Rabbit trails everywhere in this brain. Which all leads me to another observation that is really connected to putting down crap...
Which is better? To give some effort toward a goal, although not 100%, or to wait to tackle said goal until one can give as close to 100% as possible? I know what my answer to this question is. Like Ann might say, some effort will get the body, soul and mind warmed up...to give GREATER effort. That is certainly what I was thinking at 5:30 this morning when I was doing new weight training and thinking I probably wasn't accomplishing much more than getting sweaty at the crack of...well, there wasn't much of a dawn in Denver this morning because we are having a little blizzard. My inner critic was hounding at me relentlessly...your form is wrong, you are going to hurt yourself, would you please remember to inhale and exhale at the right times, don't forget to count...on and on and on it went. It was discouraging, that's for sure. But you know what? I kept going and I got those damn exercises done! I wasn't perfect, I am not really sure how many reps I did on a few of them because I was so concentrated on trying to breathe right, and I went way too long which meant my girls got up and wanted to have early morning conversations with me...how often does that happen?? But I got them done. I will be better on Friday...my form, my breathing, my counting. Or maybe not. Maybe it will be the same as today. That's okay though right? The important thing is that I showed up, I made effort.
My brain still feels a little tight to be honest. Like jeans after Thanksgiving dinner and a recent washing. I am really hoping this isn't a three page day, I have a feeling you won't stick around for that. I might not either. But who am I kidding, really? I will show up to write, plowing or mining for the gold, until I find it. I must, it's my destiny.
Go dig out yours today too. Give crappy effort. I think it all adds up. There is gold down there, I know it.
Not even gonna proof or edit this thing before posting it. I have other writing to do. And this is real, honest. That is way more important to me and my effort than pretty polishing. I will polish again tomorrow. That doesn't mean I won't be cringing over this later, probably as soon as I hit "post". But honestly, who cares? I made effort!