Moving forward for the stuck ones...

I've spent a lot of years of my life stuck. Stuck in regret, in the past, in fear, stuck in what if's, should haves and why didn't I's. These thoughts are all just as fruitless as you imagine them to be. Some folks live with the motto of no regrets. I tried that for 3 hours one day. Honestly, I'm so bad at it that I was regretting choosing chicken salad instead of tortilla soup for lunch.

I've recently realized perhaps I might not have a problem with stuckness. I might have a problem with decisions. There is quote which says that decision making is the cutting away of one choice in favor of another.

Cutting away. Such a painful sounding phrase. And frightening.

I've known for most of my life I'm bad at making choices. I like to mull and research and get opinions and and

never actually make a decision.

Because I am TERRIFIED of making the wrong decision.

I've made a few bad life-changing decisions in my life. Yes, I know that God redeems and He turns all things to the good of those who love Him. But there is also the reaping of what we sow...with His infinite mercy and grace to temper the consequences, hopefully.

I've reaped what I've sown and it has been painful. Not as painful as it could have been without God's mercy, but still. Most of my life, I've held to the idea that a decision not made is better than one chosen badly.

(Yes, I do drive some people mad because of this. But. But..
I am an excellent sounding board and promise to explore all the possibilities of choice someone might be facing.)

However, I am further realizing this issue of non decision making is really one of trust. I don't trust that I know myself well enough to make the right decision. What is the right decision, you ask?

I honestly have not known the answer to that for most of my life. I do now though.

The right decision is the right decision for me.

For me.

If this sounds selfish, bear with me...I'll elaborate in a moment.

But concerning the "who" of my decision making process- Who else could make a better decision for me THAN me? Who knows me better than me??

No one.

Well, no one on Earth.

God knows me. Better than I've figured myself out. So I will trust His input.

Back to the selfish...

I choose to trust the good parts of me- the redeemed parts which are already seated with the Father in heaven...already Complete. My soul. My spirit. That which is one with Christ.

THAT part of me isn't confused. It's eternal and has the wisdom of God within. It makes good decisions- for me and those I love.

When I make decisions out of my perspective as an inhabitant of this earth...my fleshly, bodily, decaying and dying as we speak, experience...then I might not make the right decisions. I might perhaps choose what feels good in the moment, what is temporary and what is dying along with this earth and my experience in it.

So, to get unstuck, I have to remember two things;

1. I have to remember my identity...not as Valerie- mother, writer, etc.- but as daughter of God. I have a tagline I use a lot, that I am a writer, unfinished. This actually isn't true. I am finished. I am just still journeying along the way. The process.

2. I have to choose. Cut away. I must let go of the fear and just decide. Are there truly unredeemable decisions? Sure. But I won't make them if I am grounded in number one. I still might choose badly. But it won't need to define me. Because God does redeem and make all things new. Trust Him and trust Him inside of me.

Peace.

The New.ish.

Happy 2018!

Since it is January 11th, this is the New-ish Year's post. Don't ask why this post is so late and I won't ask about your resolutions. Deal?

2017 was hard for so many of us. I've tried for the past several years to contemplate the ending year as the next approaches.

This year God let me journal about 2017 beside the ocean. Because He loves me so so much.

It was chilly and windy and my bare feet were a declaration of defiance against the South Georgia December temperatures. It was such a blessed day though.

People approach the new year in many ways- special words for the year, diets, resolutions, etc. I read two things online which I found to be helpful, transitioning into 2018. The first is by a dear former Pastor of ours, Chris Goins:
How to make a frest START in 2018

The second is on a website for simplified living- No Sidebar. This is a good article for contemplating 2017 and moving forward:
End Your Year Intentionally with These Ten Questions

With prayer and contemplation, I have a plan for 2018:

1. I've chosen two words to focus on this year. Picking a word (or two) as your "Mantra" for the year can focus your decisions, time and actions in the direction you wish to head.   

2. I'm doing a 21 Day Prayer and Fast. I can't put into words how powerful and life-changing a long fast can be. God has met impossible needs for years now when I have fasted and prayed. I would encourage you to consider this spiritual practice if you haven't yet.

3.  I'm facing the hard things this year. I have three things I've been putting off for a very long time because of fear. Are you like me? These incredible words by Kevin Kaiser, former editor to Ted Dekker, are some of the best I've read about this:

"You must decide. You must choose. Decision is the cutting off of all escape routes and committing to a singular path. And aren't all things except the one path we already know we must take simply that- escape routes?

All of your distractions and procrastinations do nothing more than delay the inevitable choice you already know you must take. All of us already know what we must do. We get into trouble when we replace our MUST's with feeble should's.

'I should do this or that. I should be like this or that. ' 

Don't should on yourself, I once heard someone say. Unless something becomes a MUST for you- something you can't NOT do- you won't do it. You'll never commit. 

So where to start? The most reliable sign of what you must do is that which you most want to avoid. Resistance points the way to what you want. 

The only force holding you back is fear of loss. You're afraid to lose the comfort of the familiar. You're afraid to discover the voices in your head are right and you don't really have what it takes. You're afraid of what lies beyond the comfort zones that keep your life smaller than you want.

I know because you and I are the same. That's my struggle too. But what's on the other side of fear?

Nothing. 

Nothing but open range and endless skies. Though you look for it, the loss you fear is not there. 

The only way to the next level is beyond the wall. You already have everything you need to get there. Right now.

You already know what you need to do. 

So do it."

I would add:

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." I John 4:18 ESV

God is on both sides of the fear and He's orchestrated that open range and endless skies for you and for me. He never leaves or forsakes. Never. He's waiting. Take His hand. 

4. I'm reclaiming dreams and joy. Our family is currently facing tough things- maybe the most difficult of all the years. I'm not ignorant or in denial of what's ahead. But there comes a time you must confess that God is good and heals and restores and sets free and delivers and makes all things new. Your faith speaks it when you do not feel it or see it. 

I'm confessing. 

Dreams in our hearts and joy in our souls for 2018.

I'll end this with a song that's very special to me. The last time the girls and I saw Cory Asbury live, right before he signed with Bethel, was in January 2016 in Denver. He sang this and God prompted me right then to pull out my journal and write down the bridge to the song- 

"Even in the battle You are with me, I will not be broken in the fight...

You will go before me and behind me, You'll never let me go." 

I wrote the words in dread, honestly. Because there wasn't a battle in sight at that time. But God knew what was coming and He was preparing my heart. The battle came alright, and He was faithful to that promise. Whatever 2018 holds for you, I hope this song will give you hope and peace. He won't let go. 

Thanks for reading.