Monday, March 26, 2012

Words giddy true.

Perusing floral velour paisley river ducks...

Hmm. So many words this morning.  Interesting words.  Weighty words.  Giddy words.  I was looking for inspiration this morning but instead I keep getting all these words.

And this song.

Man is indeed a giddy thing. 

"Love that will not betray you dismay or enslave you it will set you free..."

Yes please. 

"There is a design, an alignment to cry of my heart to see...The beauty of love as it was made to be."

Truth- God is the beauty of love as it was made to be, in absolute completeness.

Oh how I love a good and true song. All lyrics every note true passion.

Peace indeed readers.  

Friday, March 23, 2012

Midnight at the Movies

Yes we went.  Of course we did.  There are a million things I loved about last night, but I will start at the beginning...but right before will say this-

This is not pretty prose today.  I've had three hours of sleep and do not have the most creative words or phrasing today.

Okay.  You've been warned. 

I was late to the Hunger Games phenomenon.  A friend recommended the series to me a couple of years ago, telling me it was so much better than the Twilight Saga.  Truth, yes?  But life passes and I honestly forgot about the recommendation.  But I trusted friend's assessment of the books and stuffed Hunger Games in Onnie's stocking for Christmas in 2010.  Sadly, she read three pages and put it aside. It was darker than she was accustomed. 

So the real hero here is Maise- her Language Arts teacher last year decided to have the class read it and she was hooked.  She had the other two books in the series read in two weeks, convinced Onnie to pick it back up, and since then has gotten countless friends and teachers to read the series as well.  It took me longer to pick it up again but I did and adore it...for so many reasons.

The movie is well done. I want to see it ten more times to catch all the details I missed last night.  I will not give anything away, but will say this-  there are many details in the world of Panem and within the stories themselves that could not be recreated for the movie due to the time constraints of a movie format, and continuity and pacing.  For example, the conversation in our van after the movie, with six teens and preteens, focused largely on the absent lamb stew.

As an avid reader and writer, I can't express the joy in hearing conversations centered around minute details of a quality book all of those kids have read.

The movie sticks very closely to the book.  There is an additional scene which is not in the book, but I feel it keeps with the integrity of motives of the characters and also works as perfect foreshadowing for Catching Fire.

I am sure I will write more about the movie...I have a few ideas for blog posts already in my head.  But the best moments of last night were with my older girls and my girlfriends.  And my daughters' very impressive friends too.   We had so much fun. 

 And the part that makes the writer storyteller part of me glow:

An entire entire North America worth of theaters...gathering and excited about a story of sacrifice oppression courage pain loss strength love hope.

 "The only thing stronger than fear is hope."    

And love. Love caused Katniss to take Prim's place at The sacrifice her life in order to save her sister.  Greater love has no man than this, that he...she...will lay down life for another.  There was some other sacrificial love in there, especially in the book, but I will not chance a spoil. 

So many themes I love.

And.  Finally...

Something more worthwhile than vampires for the youth of America to absorb.  Thank goodness.


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

We can feel so far from so close...

Rethinking everything.

I've loved Mat Kearney since Bullet released in 2004. That album was fresh and his sound was unlike any I'd heard before.  He's had songs on many TV shows, including Vampire Diaries, Bones, NCIS and 30 Rock.  I have been known to put his albums on shuffle repeat for days because his music is so impressive to me.

I love his latest song- Ships in the Night.  It's simple and deep. I just heard it playing consecutively on three different radio stations here in Denver- WayFM, Alice 105.9 and KIMN 100.3.  Love the love he's getting.  He is musical genius.

This latest song has thoughtful lyrics.  I can't get them out of my brain to be honest.  Relationships are struggle, that's for sure.  They are good ugly comforting painful joyful peaceful confusing exhilarating contentment despairing deep beautiful, such breathtaking beauty sometimes at the most painful places.  We are all still figuring them out- how they function and how we function in them.  How not to break each others' hearts.

"Feels like we're learning this out on our own
Trying to find a way down the road we don't know..."

Sometimes we are so fake about the places we find ourselves in... ignoring all we don't know how to fix.

But we are all broken with confusing how do we make this better parts, yes?  Honest says it's not better or worse than what I imagine, and with eyes wide open I say this is what it is...AND I am here willing to figure this thing out together.  Choosing to be emotionally messy and vulnerable with another human being with as many faults failures insecurities fears hopes dreams purpose  potential as all inside me too.

Love doesn't shun the ugly broken bleeding scarred and embraces and says This is me alsoLet's walk this out together, I'm here, not going never leave or forsake.  I still get stuck a little at that last part every time, even if God did say it first.  It remains so tough for me to comprehend on a heart level.  But to me that is genuine committed love with its eyes wide open. 

I do not have the solutions...all the working results of my words... figured out.  Not even close.  And my words might be naive.  But what if two people, the two equal parts of any relationship, believed and lived them?  Day and night through all dark and easy places? Of course it would take two...two people, two equal parts, working struggling living out those words equally for them to make any difference.  But what if they did?  What if it changed the future?

Like I said, rethinking everything.

Here's the song.  I hope you enjoy it and it makes you think as much as it has me.  I am posting the lyrics after the video link because they are important.  


(By the way, that picture at the top is of Mat and his wife Annie. )

"Ships In The Night"

Like ships in the night
You keep passing me by
We're just wasting time
Trying to prove who's right
And if it all goes crashing into the sea
If it's just you and me
Trying to find the light

Like ships in the night letting cannon balls fly
Say what you mean and it turns to a fight
Fist fly from my mouth as it turns south
You're down the driveway... I'm on the couch

Chasing your dreams since the violent 5th grade
Trying to believe in your silent own way
Cause we'll be ok... I'm not going away
Like you watched at fourteen as it went down the drain

And pops stayed the same and your moms moved away
How many of our parents seem to make it anyway
We're just fumbling through the grey
Trying find a heart that's not walking away

Turn the lights down low
Walk these halls alone
We can feel so far from so close


And I'm at the airport waiting on a second plane
Had to pack and you had cramps and I was late
Headed to a red carpet they won't know my name
Riding in silence all that we wanna say

About to board when you call on the phone
You say "I'm sorry. I'll be waiting at home"
Feels like we're learning this out on our own
Trying to find a way down the road we don't know

Turn the lights down low
Walk these halls alone
We can feel so far from so close


And I'm gonna find my way
Back to your side
And I'm gonna find my way
Back to your side


Saturday, March 3, 2012

Not ready to make nice...or Waking up is hard to do.

There is a situation I have been embroiled in since Thursday night in which my husband and some dear friends were slandered in a semi-public format by what should be the most unlikely source.  It is honestly taking everything inside of me to not publicly give my opinions concerning the situation and the attacker.  I will stay silent for now although I am not sure why I am doing so...things need to be brought into the light of a disease festering and oozing, thriving from threats manipulation self-righteous arrogance and lies.  But just because I am keeping my thoughts inside doesn't mean you should mistake me for meek.  Oh no.  I am still mad as hell and

Not ready to make nice.

This seems to be a theme in my life recently.  I was about to write just now it's a sad theme, but I am not so sure.  Codependent Val is finding she has a backbone.  All I have endured and survived has made me stronger than I ever truly feel I am...but it's there all the same, all this strength inside of me.  It's becoming impossible to deny stuff ignore resign back down belittle disregard everything which is wrong and has been wrong and perhaps might continue to be wrong in parts of my life.

I didn't want to face things- my thoughts feelings emotions pain memories anger bad habits and hangups- but I am finding I have no choice.  Once a character wakes up from the apathy...chooses to live fully...Alice falling down the rabbit hole, Neo swallowing the red pill, Dorothy opening her eyes when the switching house sits down...don't mistake the fantasy parts as not being real sometimes they are the most true of all...she must walk forward putting one foot in front of the other and facing all that comes her way.  No backing down or ignoring anymore- how are you going to ignore a Fell Beast when it is screeching swooping down to devour you?

You must also acknowledge your own faults and failings as well...maybe Fate dealt you a crappy hand and your feet are crooked.  You can't run fast but not really your fault and not much you can do about it.  But perhaps you didn't care for your sword as carefully as you should and now it's rusty and dull...your own fault and what are you going to do about it now you are feeling the Jabberwoky's foul stench breath in your face?  It all must be faced.

This is where I find myself today.  It's a scary place for sure.  Former all quiet me would just sit back watch the show while munching down on popcorn and an Icee.  But I find myself on the screen today...

It is a good place to be.  Who wants to live an entire life with eyes closed?  Not me.

Where do you find yourself today during the tough parts of the story?  Are you out in the audience...ignoring denying backing down...or are you up there on the IMAX screen battling the fire breathing dragon?  Hint- you might lose.  You might get burnt to a crisp.  But remember:

"Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities...because it is the quality which guarantees all others."  Winston Churchill

Be brave today.  Wake up.  And if anger comes with the waking do not stuff it or let it run its full course.  But do keep it beside is there for a reason.  As is mine.  Not sure when I will be ready to make nice.  But I will be brave and stay awake.  Won't you?