Friday, August 12, 2011

Music and the After...

I should say upfront I am still wanting to procrastinate writing the blog I know I need to write. It feels too heavy in my heart. The topic deserves respect and research, and the very best words I have to give. My heart is already heavy this morning and writing about anything more intense than cupcakes might just sending me reeling into tears. There- I have assuaged my guilt a little with that weak excuse.

So I am gonna tackle my sadness and also write about one of my favorite things. Besides cupcakes. :)

One of my very favorite bands is in Boulder today doing a music industry gig...thing...dealio. That would be Burlap to Cashmere and you have only missed all my postings and updates on them if you've been deliberately squeezing your eyelids shut and stuffing your fingers in your ears. I am seriously fighting the urge to drive toward the Flat Irons and stalk them at the hotel and spa where they are staying. I figure if I take my girls with me I stand a fighting chance of talking to daughters are too adorable to be ignored, yes? YES. :)

Haha. I am just joking here. But I am going to have Burlap to Cashmere's new album on repeat is peaceful to my soul.

Tackling the sadness now...the "after" of having guests...

I had the thought once again this morning I had last year when watching friends move away-

It sucks to be the ones left behind.

I am thinking of a Donald Miller quote here, from his book Through Painted Deserts:
"I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing."

I have done plenty of leaving in my lifetime- leaving city after city, going to new places, following my husband who always had a job and a plan. I had little girls, and the exhilaration of the new. The chaotic high usually kept me distracted until I carved out a new social existence for our family- friends, church, school. That was my life for the first ten years or so of our marriage- we never lived in one place more than a couple of years.

But we have been in Denver now for six years come Labor Day, and in this home for four years. We've been here long enough to make friends and get left behind as they have moved out of Colorado and into new adventures. We get left every year as family comes to visit and then heads back to the East Coast. We used to be the ones sweeping into Virginia for a visit and rushing back out again. Now I know the ache our family felt as we drove away. We have done the leaving, now is our season for staying.

But it still sucks to be left.

As a side note- I really dislike using that word, the one sitting in the middle of the sentence above. I teach my girls not to say it, as it is crass slang. But when writing, it is best to use the first word that comes to mind, especially when expressing emotion. I wandered around in my brain looking for an equally adequate replacement, in vain. Because it honestly does suck.

However, I suppose it is like every moment in life- sweet and bitter. Would I say to my family stay away so I could avoid the pain of goodbye? Never. We don't avoid the joy just because there is pain at the end. I hope to live my life to the full every day, joy and sadness, always growing. God has adventure and purpose around every corner, and we must learn to embrace the hard moments that turn ashes into beauty.

Ok, that is enough deep musing for now. Back to cupcakes. Wonder if Bliss at Southlands has any Bacon Maple minis on the menu today? Those ARE truly bliss on a plate. :)

Peace dear readers. Enjoy the sunshine today.

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