Thursday, February 2, 2012

Strange Girl Post 3- Breaking down a song and breaking free.

Some of you may call me strange for finding God in a Queen song.  But it happened.

I want to break free...

The song clearly seems to be about a boy and girl.  Or perhaps a boy and a boy since Freddy Mercury wrote it.  We won't go there. The word "God" is in the song a few times but that's not what I'm talking about.  Ever since I heard it in a movie theater at the Mall of America during a Coca Cola ad, it has represented more to me. 

I've avoided writing about the song for years because of my fear of being misunderstood, judged, called strange, or just cheesy.  But I can't stop the critics and I shouldn't let them stop me.  Honest: I am growing a little fond of strange these days.  As for the cheese...what can you do about it?  It makes life fun.

"I want to break free.  I want to break free.  I want to break free from your lies you're so self-satisfied, I don't need you...I've got to break free."

Who do I see as you in this song?  Hmm.

I see me. 

I see the other Gollum in the Two Towers when he finally stands up to the other side of his personality which has kept him miserable so many years.  I see the part of me bound up in lies about my worth and chained to all the cants I've wrapped around myself since childhood.  The untruths society and self-judgement place on us are arrogant and strong as steel. They bind us and we can't move.  Numbness sets in.  Apathy.  "I can't change anything, things are the way they are...there is no use in trying."

I see Satan too, the thief and destroyer of all that is good and life-giving in our lives.  He wants us to hate and destroy ourselves because we are God's beloved. He was once God's most cherished too, but he rejected that free and perfect love.  All of humanity has been paying the price for his arrogance and pain ever since.  He says to God, "If I can't have you, no one will...I will destroy what you love most, the humans."  Okay that is my paraphrase but it fits.  Anyone who has been in love and rejected knows love is a very small step from hate, and hate is all pain.

"God knows...God knows I want to break free."

Well, yes, He does.

"I've fallen in love..."

And how!

"I've fallen in love for the first time, this time I know it's for real...I've fallen in love."

Maybe you have fallen in love with a person...your other half, your complete me.  It is breathlessness and poets and you search for words to describe its glory. 

I've also fallen in love with Jesus who rescued and redeemed me. He was God's answer to Satan's attack on humanity. The sacrifice of his life redeemed me from all the bad, shameful and stupid I have done. 

"It's strange but it's true, I can't get over the way you love me like you do..."

His love is breathtaking which is a little different from breathless.  It is all freedom and light, no burden.

"But I have to be sure when I walk out that door..."

Ah, there it is.  I cringe a little when I get to this part every time.  I know what's coming up and I know my heart.

You see, I am fickle.  Human.  My insecurities and fears push me away from Jesus, who said he is the lover of my soul.  Such intimacy, so excruciating with its beauty and never leave or forsake.  That is not my experience in this life.  Probably not yours either.  Everyone leaves in the end, through free will, forced choices or death.  To never leave...can I even really comprehend that? 

"Oh how I want to be free..."

We all want to be free.  Many times we believe the wrong things are gonna save us- a person, career,  dream, addiction...the list is endless.  Freedom is so easy...seems too easy.  After all, surrender is not seen as freedom, it appears weakness.

Jesus is freedom.

There I said it. I usually don't go right there in my blog because I know I have readers of many different faiths and some of  no faith at all. But if I am speaking of soul freedom I must speak of Jesus.

Getting that freedom is as easy as falling in a pool of water, falling in love...falling off a cliff.  But with perfect hands to catch you at the bottom, no scraps or pain or snapped spines.  Or shattered hearts. Only complete and absolute contentment.

Isn't that what we really want at the end of the day?  Happiness comes and goes, like sunshine and clouds,  part of the cycle of life.  No one is happy all the time.  If they appear to be, they are faking it.  But contentment, deep contentment in our souls, well that is possible.  It is the most peaceful place our souls can find on this earth. 

"I can't get used to living without you by my side..."

The next part of the song is more of the same as before...wanting freedom and being too afraid to reach out for it. 

We get used to our lies, denials, and wishful hopeless thinking, don't we?  They are familiar.  Comfortable.  They are known.  The unknown can be frightening as death.

Truth: We settle for comfort every day even when it is not all that comfortable.  When it is killing us, draining every ounce of life and hope out of our souls.  Our purpose becomes forgotten and our creativity atrophies.

 Why do we do this to ourselves? 

Stop it.  

Stop being comfortable and BE FREE.  Live the life you were created to live.  I am saying this to me.  Be brave Val.  Be free. 

Ponder it, won't you?  Peace.