I've recently realized perhaps I might not have a problem with stuckness. I might have a problem with decisions. There is quote which says that decision making is the cutting away of one choice in favor of another.
Cutting away. Such a painful sounding phrase. And frightening.
I've known for most of my life I'm bad at making choices. I like to mull and research and get opinions and and
never actually make a decision.
Because I am TERRIFIED of making the wrong decision.
I've made a few bad life-changing decisions in my life. Yes, I know that God redeems and He turns all things to the good of those who love Him. But there is also the reaping of what we sow...with His infinite mercy and grace to temper the consequences, hopefully.
I've reaped what I've sown and it has been painful. Not as painful as it could have been without God's mercy, but still. Most of my life, I've held to the idea that a decision not made is better than one chosen badly.
(Yes, I do drive some people mad because of this. But. But..
I am an excellent sounding board and promise to explore all the possibilities of choice someone might be facing.)
However, I am further realizing this issue of non decision making is really one of trust. I don't trust that I know myself well enough to make the right decision. What is the right decision, you ask?
I honestly have not known the answer to that for most of my life. I do now though.
The right decision is the right decision for me.
For me.
If this sounds selfish, bear with me...I'll elaborate in a moment.
But concerning the "who" of my decision making process- Who else could make a better decision for me THAN me? Who knows me better than me??
No one.
Well, no one on Earth.
God knows me. Better than I've figured myself out. So I will trust His input.
Back to the selfish...
I choose to trust the good parts of me- the redeemed parts which are already seated with the Father in heaven...already Complete. My soul. My spirit. That which is one with Christ.
THAT part of me isn't confused. It's eternal and has the wisdom of God within. It makes good decisions- for me and those I love.
When I make decisions out of my perspective as an inhabitant of this earth...my fleshly, bodily, decaying and dying as we speak, experience...then I might not make the right decisions. I might perhaps choose what feels good in the moment, what is temporary and what is dying along with this earth and my experience in it.
So, to get unstuck, I have to remember two things;
1. I have to remember my identity...not as Valerie- mother, writer, etc.- but as daughter of God. I have a tagline I use a lot, that I am a writer, unfinished. This actually isn't true. I am finished. I am just still journeying along the way. The process.
2. I have to choose. Cut away. I must let go of the fear and just decide. Are there truly unredeemable decisions? Sure. But I won't make them if I am grounded in number one. I still might choose badly. But it won't need to define me. Because God does redeem and make all things new. Trust Him and trust Him inside of me.
Peace.
